Vitriol and observations from an extremely angry little man.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Craigslist Ad

Join the Invisible Infantry! (Your Computer)

Date: 2009-11-12, 3:55AM PST

There are tons of scams out there which suggest that you can make money in your sleep by participating in various Internet business opportunities. They are, of course, complete frauds. The good news, however, is that I've devised, and am currently implementing, a plan which really does allow you to earn actual money while doing absolutely nothing. Your computer does all the work for you, and you get paid via PayPal or a money order mailed directly to your home every two weeks.

How is this possible? Well, I need as many people as possible to join my volunteer computer army!

Here's how it works:

You've no-doubt heard of "bot-nets," which are vast webs of PCs which have been infected by viruses which cause zombie-like activity. The infected PCs routinely, secretly "phone home" to the hackers who wrote the viruses, providing said hackers with "situation reports," receiving new "marching orders" from their hacker commanders, and passing on those orders to other computers in the bot-net. All of this happens invisibly. The bot-nets are then used for such things as distributed denial of service attacks, "phishing" schemes, mass e-mail marketing campaigns, and other enormously profitable activities. Think of all the computers in a botnet as being members of a vast mercenary army, and the hackers as the army's supreme commanders.

Naturally, the owners of these computers don't get one dime from this arrangement, and never agreed to it. It's as if they, and their computers, have been conscripted against their will, with no military benefits, no opportunity for promotion, and no chance to better themselves.

The bad news is that if you're using a PC on the Internet (and you obviously are, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this ad), it is completely inevitable that you will eventually be forced to join a bot-net army. Think of your computer as an able-bodied, 18 year old man during a time of war, back in the days when they still drafted people.

As many veterans will tell you, instead of just waiting around for your number to come up, it's much better to volunteer, and have the opportunity to go in as an officer.

That's where I come in.

Think of me as an army recruiter, only slightly more honest.

You volunteer for my army by agreeing to install a very small software program on your computer. Don't worry if you've never installed software before: It's a simple matter of me sending you an e-mail. You open the e-mail, and the software installs itself. Once this is done, you'll notice no change in your PC's performance or behavior. However, while you're going about your business, cruising the Web, playing solitaire, using AOL to send pictures to your grandchildren, or even sleeping, your computer will be quietly earning you money in the background by participating in my bot-net campaigns.

Rest assured there is no danger to you, as all activity goes through a proxy server which ensures your complete anonymity and protects you from the authorities. In a worst-case scenario, if law enforcement ever did look at your computer (and I guarantee they won't), it would just look to them like you were another innocent, clueless "conscript" whose PC had been involuntarily "drafted" without your knowledge!

What are the benefits to serving in my army?

First of all, you will be completely protected from viruses and Trojan horses. My software finds, eliminates, and guards against malicious software that might attempt to enslave your computer, because I don't like competition, and I certainly don't want my soldiers participating in somebody else's campaign!

Secondly, you get actual MONEY! Unlike those poor draftees who enter service as a private, your PC will start off as an "officer," and will quickly begin recruiting other PCs, which it will command. The more PCs your computer commands, the more cold, hard cash I'll be sending you on a regular basis!

OK, I'll actually be PayPalling you or sending you money orders, but you know what I mean.

So please do yourself a favor and join up today!

(Please note that this business offer is only available on PCs running the Microsoft Windows operating system. This offer may not be combined with any other coupon or Web promotion. Void where prohibited.)

  • Location: Your Computer
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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